How I met P...

We met with our parents at a specified meeting place near his house. Which meant we had to travel for an hour to get there. Once there, we were early and waited for a few minutes until they arrived. Until then, my parents who forever think of me as a rebel repeated the ground rules: keep an open mind, they are nice people, etc. with an underlying message of "be nice". I'd been hostile with my parents the entire day before this meeting, did not feel comfortable being there.

The minute I met him and his folks, I couldnt be anything other than nice. They were chatty and did not have airs or an attitude. They werent here to judge me, they let us talk and get to know each other without involving them into the conversation. The parents talked with each other just as P and I did, slowly getting to know major differences and similarities between them.

P is the most direct person I've ever met. I loved the way he steered the conversation, almost as if he'd had a plan in his mind (being a manager at work, he does it almost intuitively). He first ordered for everyone which I did not like (analyzed it as being too controlling...dont know where I picked that one...my parents were ok with it never having been to the restaurant before) and purposefully changed my order. After that was done, he told me about himself rather than asking me a few set questions and making it feel like interrogation. I joined in with a brief history about my educational and work life, the usual things, and talked about friends, family, food. And we talked about food for hours. We both confessed to loving pork. He talked about possibly moving to the US for work while I talked about wanting to leave my present job and try something in a different field (something I loved and was finding myself moving away from).

I thought the meeting went ok. Next day, his parents called to say that he loved meeting me and had stated something on the lines of "She's the girl I want to marry" right after they left that day. They were excited. I was scared. I wanted to meet him one more time before saying anything.

I never believe in the first meeting. Be it a friend, date or an arranged match...I know I wouldnt be sure right away. I loved to take it slow. Unfortunately, in this setting, it's the second or third meeting that makes it all final. It's very rare that both people in an arranged meeting might fall head over heels in love with each other. I didnt know if I'd feel the same way about him even after our second meeting.

I'd cried my eyes out before the second meeting about not wanting to get married. I didnt know if I could fit in with his parents...he wanted to live with them to take care of them. I admired that in a man but would I want to be in the same home? I didnt know if there would be unreasonable demands that I'd find very difficult to meet. Every stereotype mom-in-law daughter-in-law situation kept playing in my mind. I didnt even know if he was the guy for me. I'd been in love before only to wound my self-confidence and faith in myself. I didnt know if I'd be with a guy who wanted me as I was or if I'd be another project to develop and make a success of.

The second meeting lasted nearly six hours. I met him and found him very distracted and tense. We went to the restaurant directly and he asked me to order. I made sure he was ok with my suggestions and we had a starter each before having a simple main course of prawn curry (Goan style) and steamed rice. At the very start, he asked me to be completely free and tell him anything that was on my mind. He probably thought of a sinister reason to my wanting to meet him alone. Perhaps a boyfriend lurking somewhere, maybe a baggage of a different kind altogether. I just asked him a simple question "Tell me how you live."

He talked about his parents first probably sensing my apprehension. Of the rituals, his parents are religious and also superstitious since his older brother passed away a decade ago, leaving a baby girl and a young, immature wife. The wife created a lot of difficulties for his parents and walked away with their grand-daughter after some really ugly fights. They still helped her get a job so she could support the girl on her own. They keep visiting the girl every chance they get. He talked about his extended family, how close he is to them and how supportive and helpful they are. He talked about his home life, how they have stayed close since the death and he hopes that they always will. Sure, he said, they find it difficult when I play heavy-metal or rock. But I still do what I want and they give me my space. They are not clingy. Sure, they're scared they might lose me but it's been like that since my brother died. Else, we'd all be more carefree.

He then tells me that they are sure that the girl he marries will be every bit of an individual and as radical as him. They will be ok with almost anything and will set aside traditional beliefs to let her do what she wants. They will be there as a safety net and might get worried a few times but all parents do. I remembered how my dad would stay up until I got home unless I called home and told them I'd be late. At the same time, they would rather the new person not knock their religious beliefs. Each must be free to do as they like and neither should impose anything on the other.

He told me he'd read my poems and they showed him a different world and opened his eyes to new experiences he may never have been through.

His eyes said I'm sure about you. I decided to invite him to coffee...didnt want the meeting to end.

After our second coffee and a lot of stories about his "rocker" friends who've all sobered down so much he couldnt recognise them from the long-haired, beer-guzzling, head-banging biker dudes, he smilingly said "I've got a good feeling about this."

Suddenly, I had the feeling that I'd been waiting for him a long, long time. I said I had a good feeling too.

When I returned home that evening, I told my mom "Well? Arent you going to congratulate me?"

Her first reaction was to call up P and ask him if he hadnt changed his mind. He said No way, he was going over home to break the news to his family.

Two months later, we got married.

A year later, we wish we'd met earlier :)