Thursday, June 11, 2009

Are we there yet?

MRF Tyres has postponed its Rain Day indefinitely. So much for the meteorologists who predicted that the skies will tip over liquid manna over parched fields some two weeks ago.

I was depressed a few weeks ago over the pointlessness of my life. A year and a half ago, I was over-stressed and knew I wanted to do something else. Forget about keeping my promise to myself, I have fallen back into a rut that I keep trying to crawl out of. An astrologer once told my mother that all my ideas are confined within my head and that's one of my major obstacles. He hadnt even seen me. And he was right. I tried to prove him wrong but I keep sliding back.

Watching a few videos of the Golden Girls between work schedules cheered me up but gloom stands just around the corner and predictably, every few weeks, I plunge into it headlong.

I want the rain to bring a change of scene outside my window but dont react to the nagging need for change within me. I want clear signposts to show me which way I'm headed... losing the point of the whole journey. I used to take steps towards what I wanted and now, am slacking off and letting go a whole lot more.

I dont know how long it's been since I wrote...there are dusty cobwebs around my mind's eye that are being tossed about as I write. I read more blogs now than I have for all the weeks before today. Feels good to find one's fingers tapping away as the mind dictates. I know that I'm picking myself up from the dumps. I just need this post to remind me to do that every time I slack off.

I'll pray for it to rain... without sitting at my window and glaring at the sun.

10 comments:

Leah said...

Oh dear, I'm sorry! I can relate, I really can!

I've been saying lately that I'm having a girl version of a midlife crisis.

I've actually been using my blog over the last year to get me out of my cycling rut--it's where I come to write, when I feel like that. It's helped at times.

As I look out my window in Brooklyn, I see gloomy dark grey rain clouds...I'm always happy for a rainy day...

The Girl from Lokhandwala said...

Thank you for sharing, Leah. Yes, I can understand and girl version of a midlife crisis is really the best way to describe what I'm going through too! :) So many dreams to chase and yet...

And guess what?? It rained today! :) The raindrops were big and heavy but the rain didnt last for too long. I stretched out my hand and caught some to tide me over till the next rainy day.

Maria said...

Winston Churchill called those times his "black dogs."

I just want to eat oreos and not worry about what it is doing to my blood sugar when I feel this way.

It passes...but god, it takes time, yes?

Leah said...

Ooh, Oreos sound like just the ticket!

I like the "black dogs." A vivid way to describe it.

I'm glad you got some raindrops! And I hope you're having a good day.

The Girl from Lokhandwala said...

Maria, we have an Indian substitute for Oreos...its called Pure Magic and I go in for chocolate on chocolate...really comforts me during times like these.

The Girl from Lokhandwala said...

Leah, yes I'm having a good day today, thanks...I'm looking forward to catching a movie this evening with my husband. I had a talk with him a day ago and it comforted me to think through these things from another point of view instead of letting them overwhelm me.

Reflections said...

U knw I think its the heat...its getting to u.

Surprising its not raining there....everywhere we call up in India its supposed to pouring....they always talking abt having hot hot samosas with strong coffee on their balconies enjoying the weather;-o....making me sooooo jealous;-/

The Girl from Lokhandwala said...

it started raining in the south of india actually...although bombay has yet to see the first proper rain shower. It just gets hotter and hotter... :(

Britt-Arnhild said...

How is the rain doing?

The Girl from Lokhandwala said...

We had a wonderfully rainy weekend, Britt-Arnhild. But its sunny today! :)